Ever see a woman who is a little too pale and pink, looking like an oversized cherub, but with the face of that pig your mom roasted last christmas? Yea you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about the oversized, carpet don't match the drapes, all American, a little too chubby for her own damn good, still hasn't lost her baby fat, DOSE NOT KNOW HOW TO DRESS FOR HER BODY, pink lipstick wearing, blackberry obsessed, 5'2 hunk of disaster with her god awful highlights perched on a pair of heels so she looks like spinning top, vapid air-head. And she smokes light cigarettes. Gag me. These formidable creatures can usually be found outside a bar sucking on their cigarettes with that one pretty friend who is drastically taller then her and hangs out with her because the vapid fat ones are always the nice ones.
That was of course till this trend of intermixing the fat and the skinny came to light. Now our pudgy little retards surrond themselves with the tall pretty ones who can afford to be bitches, and naively think that just because they hang out with pretty people they must have some redeemable qualities, assume the bitchy attitude. What the grenade fails to understand is that there are a number of perks for the fairer ones in being seen with such grenades:
1. The attractive ones always look better with an average looker by their side.
2. The pudgy little friend is going to eat more, drink more, and be a worse mess, and that is pure entertainment. And again, the attractive one can get away with tomfoolery if there is a pink and white spin top/garden nome next to her laughing loudly with her cheap beer, stupid comments, bad cigarettes and saggy cleavage.
3. WINGMAN. Need I say more?
Now the real problem is when these little garden nomes decide to be bitchy, and easy. It's a problem for humanity. They, if not already so, become easy, and in becoming easy, sleep with the confused men who just dont have enough blood for their penis and brain at the same time. These are not bad men, they simply are horny, shit happens. Unfortunately for these men they face the reality in the morning and turn over the mess of bad highlights to find an even worse mess on the other side. All they are left with is the smell of cheap parfume, lipstick smears on the pillow, and probably an STD of some sort. Now how is this a problem for humanity? Well now that our pudgy little tinker bells have slept with half the town there aren't that many options for our lookers left. Not to mention that we don't need to have these less-then-perfect samaritans copulating to spread their bad genetics and cheap persona. Trailer park trash should stay in the trash and decay. Not be kicked around the block a couple times by giddy little boys.
Now I am not saying that the pudgy tinker bell shouldn't have love, everyone deserves love. I'm just saying that if the pudgy tink has a bad attitude and has been the mary go round of the town she should take a step back, find the local gym, stop wearing clothes that expose all those rolls, cut out the bad highlights, and go in for some vaginal reconstruction. And until that list is complete please don't show your face. Because I will fart in it.
As for the pretty ones who are vapid bitches, well what can I say, just think about Darwin and the laws of evolution and you'll see where I'm going with this.. I didn't make up the rules of human attraction, I'm just pointing out the ugly truth. PRETTY PEOPLE HAVE RIGHTS, DAMNIT!!
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